26 September 2012

Grain Mains

What, you might ask, is such a carnivorous loving web site doing reviewing a grain book? Hey, we have done grains before.  We love grains, usually accompanied by a nice rib-eye, but we do love grains.   In fact, last Christmas we got a 5 pound bag of quinoa -- a gift that keeps on giving. 

Let me get this out of the way, Rodale sent out a copy of this book and giveaway books!!  Yes, gentle reader, you too, may get a copy of this very book.  This book, however, was already on our "Wish List."  We often get publishers offering us cookbooks and since we believe in full disclosure and since we rarely write about a book we do not like, we have certain trepidation when accepting such books.  Seriously, what if they suck?  What if they are about baby food?  What if they are just tedious?  We did not feel any of that when we accepted Grain Mains


First and foremost, we love Bruce Weinstein and Mark Scarbrough.   They wrote one of our Top Ten cookbooks of 2011, Goat: Meat Milk Cheese.   Secondly, they are funny.  We read a lot of cookbooks!  Rarely do they convey joy and humor, but these guys always do and that is a joy.  

An aside:

I have a friend who is in his 86, which as it turn out, is also his weight.  I never see him that he does not eventually get around to talking about Red Meat.  It is a killer.  It make you fat -- he looks at me.  It is bad for you, not just me.  Fat, cholesterol, mad cow... the mind wanders.  If you love food, you know this person and you do your best to duck and cover.  One worries that someone who actually writes a cookbook about "grain" might be a heavy-handed.  Not so in Grain Mains.

Another problem...

Corn and rice -- we can cook that.

Barley?  OK once, as a child we had Campbell's Beef and Barley soup.

Millet?  Wasn't she that poet? Edna something Millet.

Amaranth? Teff? Job's Tears?   How the frack do I cook this?  Do not despair.  Weinstein and Scarbrough give the reader a simple and easy primer on each grain.  It's flavor, texture, and a little history.  They also provide a ratio of liquid to solid for cooking  and a time frame. Yes, Virgina, you can cook Kamut.

Let's review:

We got the book for free and we are having a give away.    Bruce Weinstein and Mark Scarbrough are funny and not holier-than-thou health food nuts.  If you can cook rice you can cook quinoa.   

Grain Mains: 101 Surprising and Satisfying Whole Grain Recipes for Every Meal of the Day does just that.  The cookbook offers up a series of recipes featuring a whole grain main ingredient that moves beyond oatmeal.  Want an interesting choice for breakfast?  Try their Quinoa Cashew Muffins or Breakfast Polenta Cake with Kamut Crunch Topping. 

We find salads are a great place for introducing whole grains into a meal.  The grains add an amazing texture and elevate the most ordinary salad.   By adding wheat berries to a simple olive and feta salad, Weinstein and Scarbrough offer up the familiar with a Grain Mains twist.   They make a Reuben Salad (and I thought I was the only one who made a Reuben Salad) and add rye berries, which makes perfect sense and gives the creamy cabbage, pastrami and cheese a nice chewy bite.  And speaking of pastrami, while most of the recipes in the book are vegan or vegetarian, there is ham, chorizo, bacon and tuna to please those carnivores among us, while providing animal-free options. 

The biggest testament to the power of grains is the section on grain burgers.   The most finicky of eaters will devour most anything slapped between two buns and Grain Mains offers up several inviting creations including this one:

Black Quinoa and Black Bean Burgers

2/3 cup black quinoa
1 (15 ounces) can  black beans, drained and rinsed
2/3 cup old-fashioned rolled oats (do not use quick-cooing or steel-cut)
3 tablespoons barbecue sauce
Up to 2 tablespoons pickled jalapeno rings
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon sweet smoked paprika
1 tablespoon chile powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
3 tablespoons nut oil, such as walnut, pecan, pistachio, or hazelnut

1.  Fill a large saucepan about halfway with water, pour in the quinoa, and bring to a boil over high heat.  Reduce the heat to low and simmer until the grains have developed their halos and are tender, about 10 minutes.  Drain in a fine mesh sieve or a lined colander set in the sink.

2. Scrape the quinoa into a large food processor. (Believe it or not, this is the hardest part of this entire recipe: getting all those grains out of the sieve.)  Then add the black beans, oats, barbecue sauce, jalapenos, Worcestershire sauce, smoked paprika, chile powder and cumin,  Process to make a paste like batter, scraping down the inside of the bowl once or twice.  Scrape down and remove the chopping blade.

3.  Heat a large skillet over medium heat and swirl in the oil.  Use dampened hands to form the batter into 6 even, round, fairly flat patties.  Slip these into the skillet and cook until deeply browned, about 4 minutes.  Flip them and continue cooking until well browned and crisp on the other side, about 4 more minutes.  
 Gosh, burgers, salads, stews, casseroles, muffins, cakes all filled with whole grains.  Your cardiologist will love you, as will most everyone else you might just be cooking for.  Give Grain Mains a try.  We will make it ever so easy, just comment and win... maybe.

24 September 2012

Real Cajun

We have been on a bit of New Orleans kick as of late.  No that that is a bad thing.  (Actually, it can be a bad thing. Spending just under one year in New Orleans, I managed to gain 40 pounds.  I had to leave while I could still fit in the car, but I digress...)

Reading Donald Link's Real Cajun:Rustic Home Cooking for Donald Link's Louisiana, it is not hard to fathom gaining 40 pounds!  Unlike some chefs who end up in a place, or move to an area, of like the climate and choose to open a restaurant, Donal Link grew up in Louisiana.

"My two sets of grandparents lived a quarter mile from one another, and we settled about a mile from them. Between my mother and father , I have thirty-four aunts and uncles. That's ten brothers and sisters on Mom's side and seven on Dad's."
A truly inconceivable fact to grasp for an only child!

During a particularly popular wave of Cajun cooking, fish got blackened to the point of extinction, and over-bearing spices removed and distinction between flavors.  That was not the food Donald Link grew up eating.  It is no surprise that he titled his book "real" Cajun.  Link wanted to convey the joy and flavors and love he tasted from his family who truly lived off the land.

When that land was devastated by Katrina, Donald Link lied, snuck, and cajoled his way back into the city that he loved.  Nothing, not floods, National Guard, nor walk-in freezers full of rotting food was going to keep him from cooking.   All he wanted was to get his restaurant, Herbsaint, open for those people who were determined to re-build.  Re-build they did, as Link knew they would.  Heck, in the midst of the turmoil he opened another restaurant, Cochon, and he still had time to write a cookbook!

Recently, I was craving fried shrimp, but alas, the only shrimp I could find in West Virginia had been frozen for about a decade, maybe less, but i am guessing at least a decade.  Since I couldn't make my own fried shrimp, the next best thing was read Donald Link and live vicariously.

Southern-Fried Shrimp 

2 dozen large shrimp, peeled
1/2 teaspoon plus 1 1/2 tablespoons salt
1/4 teaspoon plus 1 tablespoon ground black pepper
2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
Peanut oil, for frying
1 cup well-shaken buttermilk
2 teaspoons Creole (or whole-grain) mustard (optional–if you want your shrimp tangier)

Place the shrimp in a medium bowl and season with 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon black pepper.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the flour with the remaining salt, pepper, and the cayenne.

Heat 3-4 inches of oil in a large pot until very hot, about 350 degrees F.

Pour the buttermilk (and mustard, if using) over the seasoned shrimp and combine. Working in batches, use a slotted spoon to remove the shrimp from the buttermilk and transfer to the seasoned flour. Using a separate dry spoon or your fingers, toss to evenly coat. Carefully slip the battered shrimp into the fryer and fry until golden brown and crisp, about 5 minutes; drain on paper towels. (Don’t overcrowd the fryer with too many shrimp, as this will lower the temperature of the oil and the shrimp won’t crisp up as quickly or nicely as they should.)

When I was a kid, fried shrimp were my go-to restaurant food.  I refused to eat cocktail sauce and demanded French dressing for dunking.  Not, perhaps, real Cajun, but a memory just the same.

22 September 2012

Food In Jars

Over at Lucindaville we posted photos of the new Canning Jar Closet and what better accompaniment to those photos than to feature one of new favorite canning cookbooks.  Food in Jars by Marisa McClellan grew out of her wildly popular blog, Food in Jars.  I just love to click onto Food in Jars, especially on those days that are not going so well.  A brief click on oozing jams, bright jellies, and comfy conserves and I am a happy camper.

So one can just imagine how ecstatic I was to find that Marisa was doing her very own Food in Jars cookbook.  I waited and waited and it finally arrived.  What can I say, some girls love jewelry, I love shiny jewels suspended in canning jars.  The book did not disappoint.  There is very practical information for those of you who have never canned before.  She debunks the myth that canning requires specialized equipment (or a canning jar closet for that matter!) as well as my favorite myth, that canning must be done in industrial sized batches.  Long ago, before there was a Trader Joe, one did need to provide for the family for those long winter months while the garden was under snow.  And there were times when women canned gigantic quarts of tomatoes and beans, but those days are waning.   Today we just want lovely little jars of our own jam.  And while one does not need specialized canning equipment, it was Marisa who caused me to buy one of my favorite specialised canning tools the Kuhn 4th Burner Pot which can be used for various other things besides canning three small jars of jam, but I digress...

Another of my favorite cooking techniques that Marisa employs is the slow cooker.  I do love my slow cooker for apple butter and Maris shown a light on the multiple other butters one could make.  This a favorite.

Slow Cooker Blueberry Butter

8 cups of pureed blueberries
2 cups/ 400 g granulated sugar
Zest and juice of 1 lemon
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

Put the pureed blueberries in a 4-quart capacity slow cooker. Cover and turn it to low. After it has cooked for 1 hour, remove the lid and stir. From this point forward, you will want to keep the lid slightly  cracked.  Propping it open with  a wooden spoon or chopstick allows for the evaporating steam to escape.

This butter needs between 4 to 8 hours total in the slow cooker.  The time varies depending on how hot you slow cooker cooks.  Check the butter at least once and hour to check the progress.
In the final hour add the sugar, lemon zest and juice, and spices.  If you want to speed the evaporation, remove the lid and turn the cooker up to high.  If you do this, make sure you check the butter every 10 minutes to prevent scorching.

(When the butter is nearing completion,prepare a boiling water bath and 4 regular-mouth 1-pint/500 ml jars  and lids according to processing. )

Once it is thick as ketchup and spreadable, determine whether you like chunky or smooth butter. Puree the butter for a smooth texture; for slight chunkiness, leave it as is.
 (Ladle into jars and process for 10 minutes.)

The great thing about this book is the range.   From beginner to advance jam maker, there is something to get you into the kitchen. For those days you can't get into the kitchen, check out the blog!  Either way you will find yourself very happy.

17 September 2012

Crescent City Cooking

After Katrina there were a spate of New Orleans cookbooks, and frankly, they began to be a bit monotonous.   So we totally overlooked Susan Spicer's Crescent City Cooking.  What on earth were we thinking?

Here is the big disclaimer:  While we would never, ever think that we could be swayed by that evil television hanging on the wall, one must admit that we were drawn to Susan Spicer's cookbook after finding out that she helped develop the wildly popular HBO series, Treme.  Especially Kim Dickens' character Janette Desautel, who may be our favorite character.   OK we admit we were swayed by television.

While we might have been swayed by the TV, we were won over by Spicer's conviction to the food an flavors of the South in general and New Orleans in particular.  Flipping trough the book it is often hard to place it in The Crescent City, as it feels more deeply Southern than specifically New Orleans.   Subtitled Unforgettable Recipes from Susan Spicer's New Orleans, one realizes that the recipes, while rooted in New Orleans, have a broader appeal.

Spicer was born in Florida, but as an "Navy Brat"  her family traveled and her mother cooked with a broad stroke of the palate.  Spicer spent much of her young life in New Orleans and was always drawn back.  When she finally decided to cook in earnest, she came to New Orleans.

Here is an example of a recipe that has a New Orleans "ring " to it.   Rename it  Fried Chicken over Beans and Corn and it would fit in any Southern cookbook.

Cajun-Style Chicken Breast with Chili Bean Maque Choux

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (about 6 ounces each)
1 tablespoon olive or other vegetable oil, plus 1-2 tablespoons veg. oil for sauteing
2 tablespoons Creole or whole-grain mustard
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon each black and cayenne pepper
2 tablespoons chopped scallion

If you plan on grilling the chicken, light the coals about 1/2 hour before you're ready to cook.

Rinse the chicken breasts and pat dry.  Combine the olive oil, mustard, salt, and spices and smear it on the chicken.

Refrigerate for at least 15 minutes, or up to several hours, until you’re ready to cook.  Meanwhile make the maque choux.

To cook the chicken, heat the vegetable oil in a large non-stick skillet over medium-high heat.  Pat excess marinade from the breasts then sear for 3-4 minutes on each side, or until nicely browned,  Alternatively, you can grill the chicken over hot coals or broil it.

To serve, place a scoop of maque choux on each plate, garnish with chopped scallions, and top with a chicken breast.  The corn and beans together provide a good amount of starch, so this s dish needs nothing more than a tossed salad or a simple green vegetable,  Of course, a big slice of warm corn bread would be delish too.

Maque Choux

2 ears sweet white or yellow corn, shucked and silk removed, or 1-1/2 cups frozen corn kernels, thawed
1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
2 tablespoons butter
1/2 medium yellow onion, diced
1 jalapeno, seeded and minced
1 garlic clove, minced
1/2 cup peeled, seeded, and diced fresh tomato, or canned tomato (with juices)
1 14 ounce can red beans, kidney beans, or chili beans (for a bit more heat), drained and liquid reserved
Hot Sauce

Cut the corn kernels from the cob, being careful not to cut too close to the cob (where the kernels become dry and starchy).  Heat the oil and 1 tablespoon butter in a skillet to foaming. Add the onion and cook for 2-3 minutes.  Then add the corn, jalapeno, and garlic and stir to mix.  Cook b for about 3 more minutes, then add the tomato, beans, and 1/4 cup of water or reserved bean liquid and season to taste with salt and a little hot sauce. Stir and cook until heated through, then swirl in the remaining tablespoon of butter. Keep the vegetables warm while cooking the chicken.

Its not to late to jump on the bandwagon.  Grab this book and catch Season 3 of Treme

10 September 2012

The Sporting Wife

In our ongoing love of game cookbooks, we recently snagged a lovely copy of The Sporting Wife: Game and Fish Cooking.  Barbara Hargreaves set out to make game cooking a bit more diversified.  She published The Sporting Wife and The Complete Angler's Wife, both to favorable reviews.  After receiving recipes and suggestions, she combined the two in a large revised edition of The Sporting Wife.

Hargreaves was striving for something a bit more than the usual roasted joint.  The book is filled with vintage engravings, mostly by Thomas Bewick whose 1790 work A General History of Quadrupeds brought the engraver much fame.   She included a special section on sauces and a bit of advanced bird anatomy to determine the age and viability of of the hubby's catch.

The book is a very good take on cooking whatever might get dragged in through the mud room.  It has the solid feel of a pair of Wellies.  One might imagine Queen Elizabeth or even maybe Queen Victoria pointing out a recipe to be served at Balmoral.

As you know, we have a profound love of giblets, and while the rabbit is lacking our favorite gizzard, we were taken by this recipe.

Savory Rabbit Giblets

Head, split in half lenghtwise
12 oz. fat bacon
2 oz. plain flour
1 onion
1 pint water
lemon juice of red wine
Salt and pepper

For those who like to finish up all the odds and ends, this is a good way to make a savoury supper dish.  Sweet and sour.

Wash the giblets and cut into small pieces, fry with the diced onion and the chopped bacon, dredge in the flour, stirring all the while and fry until brown. Then add the water and season well.  Simmer gently until the meat is tender.  Just before serving, season the gravy to taste with lemon juice or red wine and sugar, remove bones and serve with lots of mashed potato.

I admit to being a little confused by the frying  THEN dredging instruction.  I think she means to fr y the meats and onion together and as it is getting done, add the flour.  This is a hard recipe to replicate unless the hubby is bringing home the rabbit, as most domestic rabbit in America is lacking in that nice bag of giblets stuffed inside.

for the hunter in the house or that little lady that cooks for him, this is a great book for a hostess gift or and other holiday for that matter.

07 September 2012

The Jill St. John Cookbook

We have been in full television mode at Cookbook Of The Day, so we felt a television themed Famous Food Friday was in order.  One just never knows who is out there getting a cookbook published but it seems if you are a bona fide television personality it is easier.

In the dark ages of the late 1980’s, before you were all born, the “Celebrity” chef was a rare thing.  Food Network was not being streamed into every family room/kitchen (Because there was just the kitchen and the dining room!), so cooking fell to actual clelebities.  Case in point, Jill St. John.

During the 1970’s and 80’s Jill got around.  The former Bond Girl dated Frank Sinatra, Henry Kissinger, Sean Connery, Peter Lawford, and Robert Wagner who became her fourth husband.  She parlayed her cooking enthusiasm into a monthly cooking spots on Good Morning America and became a food editor for USA Weekend Sunday magazine.  Who knew?

Many of these famous food cookbooks are simply afterthoughts from publicists, The Jill St. John Cookbook is quite polished.  I must say I was quite surprised by Miss St. John’s culinary skills.  We have laughed before about the decidedly twee farm-to-table cookbooks, so it was interesting to find that Jill St. John was a big advocate of growing your own herbs and eating locally.  Seriously, every recipe out there belonged to some before you!  Don’t kid yourself.

Here is Jill’s recipe for shrimp with a kick.   Notice she was “Cajun” before Cajun was cool!  She suggests putting out finger bowls if you serve these – how very 80’s.

Fiery Cajun Shrimp

5-6  large raw shrimp in their shells
1/2pound unsalted butter, melted
1/2pound margarine, melted
3-4 ounces Worcestershire sauce
4 tablespoons freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon ground rosemary
juice of 2 lemons
2 teaspoons Tabasco sauce
2 teaspoons salt

3 garlic cloves, minced
2 lemons, sliced

Preheat the oven to 400 F.

With a small, sharp pair of scissors, cut through the shells of the shrimp from top to tail.  Do not cut the tail.  Devein the shrimp but leave them in their shells.

In a bowl, mix together all the ingredients except the lemon slices.  Cover the bottom of a 13 X 9-inch glass baking dish with a little of this mixture.  Arrange the shrimp and the lemon slices in layers in the dish, stopping about 1 inch from the top. Pour the remainder of the butter sauce over.  Bake turning the shrimp once or twice, until they are cooked through, about 15 to 20 minutes.

Evidently, Jill is still cooking up a storm or to be more precise, Rigatoni with Vodka Sauce for Valentine’s Day, 2010.

06 September 2012

The Unofficial Downton Abbey Cookbook

In keeping with our television theme, this month saw the publication of The Unofficial Downton Abbey Cookbook.   (This book is unofficial and unauthorized.  It is not authorized, approved, licensed, or endorsed by Carnival Film and Television Ltd., its writers or producers, of any of its licensees.)   Here is my question – with all the “Downton Abbey” books coming out by Jessica Fellows and with all the research they did for the show, why is there no “official” cookbook? 

Emily Ansara Baines has provided the unofficial version.  Baines is a bit of an “unofficial” cookbook writer having penned The Unofficial Hunger Games Cookbook.

The first thing one notices about this cookbook versus the “official” True Blood Cookbook is the lack of glossy photos of the cast and set.   Frankly, those pictures would have sold me more on the cookbook and make a great case for “official” cookbooks based on television shows.  It is unusual in this day and age to find a cookbook that is merely text.  Not one recipe has a finished picture.  A small signature of photographs would have greatly enhanced the book.  My other criticism would be that many of the recipes seem similar to the old Upstairs/Downstairs cookbook, though both cookbooks deal with a period when cooking was basically the same.

I do love that each recipe in The Unofficial Downton Abbey Cookbook has a small historical blurb about the dish or related issues of etiquette or language of the period.  While some of the recipes seem a bit too modern, the vintage throwback style abounds.  From tea sandwiches to digestive biscuits, from quail to Shepard’s pie this cookbook will give the reader a sense of what the meals might have been like during the Edwardian era.

Part One of the book features recipes set up to follow the courses of the popular service à la Russe.  It is said that Alexander Kurakin introduced the Russian style of serving a table to Pairs while he served as the Russian Ambassador.  From there it became popular throughout Europe.  A service à la Russe sets each place with a cover.  Each course is brought to the table by servers.  Each course is finished before the next course is served.  There were often as many as fourteen courses at a dinner.    

Tea holds a special place in the hearts of the English and there is a special chapter for tea at Downton Abbey.  Part Two of the cookbook deals with meals for the staff. 

Here is a favorite old-timey, definitely “downstairs” recipe.  It is a quite proper recipe for mushy peas.  Baines reminds us that the would have been a popular accompaniment to fish and chips and one that, “Mrs. Patmore might whip this up on nights when the staff is too tired to properly eat after a full day of tending to Downton's regulars and their guests.”
Mushy Peas

1 ½ cups (12 ounces) dried marrowfat peas
4 cups water
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 tablespoons butter
¼ cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon kosher salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1. Soak dried peas overnight in a large bowl full of water and baking soda. The baking soda is important because it helps break down the peas. The next day, drain the peas, then place them in a medium-sized saucepan and just cover with water. Simmer for 25 minutes; the peas should break up without mashing.
2. Remove peas from the heat. Stir in the butter until it melts, followed by cream, sugar, salt and black pepper. If desiring a thinner consistency, add more cream.

Mushy peas are making a big comeback in posh London circles.  Today shoppers have the luxury of fine, frozen peas and an electric blender!   So all one needs to do is give those peas a quick boil, add a touch of milk and mash.  How easy and practical can nostalgia be?
Grab a copy of The Unofficial Downton Abbey Cookbook and start planning your dinner party for the January return of Crawley girls.

05 September 2012

True Blood

Back with some television tie-ins!  After the finally of this season’s True Blood, with Bill all bad and evil and no resolution till next season…

We have been given a True Blood booster with the True Blood cookbook.   True Blood: Eats, Drinks, and Bites from Bon Temps features a menu from Merlotte’s filled with so much more than an a glass of Tru Blood. (As you know, vampires don’t eat.  I would be seriously bummed if I were a vampire!) 

Yes, Virginia, this is a kitschy and blatant attempt at wooing the True Blood fan, but as far as these things go, it is a pretty good cookbook.  Alan Ball and a couple of co-producers get the bulk of the credit for “writing” the cookbook, but you have to hand it to them, where the actual recipes are concerned, they called upon Marcelle Bienvenu.  Bienvenu is a famed expert on Cajun and Creole cooking.   After the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, one of the first things that residents tried to rebuild was their recipe box.  Family recipes were lost and there was an outpouring of requests at The Times-Picayune of New Orleans for reprints of classic New Orleans recipes.  Marcelle Bienvenu wrote Cooking Up a Storm, filled requested recipes and stories behind them.

So don’t be terribly dissuaded by the cheesy essays by “Sookie Stackhouse” about Gran’s kitchen.  Of course the recipes are purported to be from the culinary collections of various characters, and they have appropriately wacky names like Confederate Ambrosia, Burning Love BLT and Candied Sweet Jesus Potatoes.  If you are a True Blood fan AND you cook, who could want more?

Here is a recipe from Sookie.  She says:

“I drive all the way to Shreveport to see Alcide, and there’s Debbie, with a tray full of hostess snacks?  As if crawfish dip is gonna make up for trying to kill me – twice!”

It might just make up for trying to kill someone – once!

Crawfish Dip

1/2 cup unsalted butter
1 cup chopped yellow onion
½ cup chopped green pepper
1 teaspoon minced garlic
3 tablespoons mince fresh flat-leaf parsley
1 pound peeled crawfish tales
One 8-ounce package cream cheese at room temperature
Cayenne Pepper
Tabasco sauce

Melt the butter in a large skillet over medium heat.  Add the onion and bell pepper and cook, stirring, until the vegetables are soft and golden, 6 to8 minutes.  Add the garlic, parsley, and crawfish tails.  Cook, stirring, until the crawfish throw off some of their moisture, 3 to4 minutes.

Add the cream cheese and reduce the heat to medium-low.  Cook, stirring, until the mixture is smooth and heated through.  Season with salt, cayenne and Tabasco.

As a true, True Blood fan, I can tell you this is not only a fun and fan-filled little book, but the recipes are well worth the effort.  If you are a vampire, you are sadly missing out.  Seriously, what is the point of living forever if you can’t eat!
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